Missed turns?

Missed turns? I started reflecting on mine after being knocked out by a nasty flu. (Can’t say it was COVID because I didn’t take the test.) Feeling too wiped to do much else, I grew tired of binge-watching TV, reading, staring out the window—you name it. Eventually, I drifted into a reflective mode, and her I was drawing up a list of missed turns…. Soon, I had split them into categories:

• Missed opportunities

• Paths not chosen (undesired options)

• Paths discarded for better options

The more I thought, the shorter my "missed turns/opportunities" list became, narrowing down to a few things: working harder, focusing on what was important, and finally showing up better when it counted. But the rest? They weren’t really missed turns at all; they were choices. Some I followed because they felt right in my heart, others because they seemed the best possible option, in the circumstances.

As I let my mind pick up  various threads of ‘what ifs’ , I found myself on a journey of twists and turns, imagining how things might have looked had I made different choices, and here’s what I experienced…

There was curiosity and wonder of how my story might have unfolded had they made different choices. The curiosity was not negative, but it was definitely a creative exercise. I wondered if I had taken the different paths, what would my present be- living in a different place, pursuing a different career, my family and friends looking different today? I contemplated with my own identity and possibilities and led me on to thinking what I value or what I once dreamed of achieving.

There was nostalgia- some of the unchosen paths showed up as lost potential or faded dreams or magic-They reminded me of who I was or what I envisioned for myself at a different time in life. There was also a sense of melancholy, a feeling of missing out on what might have been. I missed the possibility and potential that accompanied those unchosen paths, even though they were possibilities and not guarantees.

Then there was genuine regret about the missed turns, particularly when I didn’t show up as I could, or where there was potential for more effort, I didn’t take the risk or stayed in a situation that should not have which led me to thoughts of “what if”. These missed turns felt tough, especially knowing some moments were irreversible. Though life threw me some lucky second chances, there were wonderful opportunities that were lost forever.

I felt gratitude for the gift of wisdom and learning from missed opportunities that guided me in my later choices and saved the turns I did not miss. I also felt grateful for the choices made…the richness that came from the journey- the surprises, challenges, and relationships I encountered and how they enriched my journey.

And finally, there was acceptance for the choices I made, some were from my heart and some from evaluation of the options available. I remembered we must review our choices from the position of where we were at that point of time in our journey when we made the choice and the options available to us, not by their outcomes. The options not taken, were not feasible for various reasons back then wouldn’t have become right with hindsight alone.

I also was reminded of this beautiful film- sliding doors- that idea that you’re where you’re meant to be, shaped by your own truth. Our choices might make the journey longer or shorter, but in the end, we’ll still get where we’re meant to go and the path not taken becomes part of one’s story just as much as the choices made do.