Expand your heart

If I were to reflect on the wisdom gathered from life experiences, one lesson shines brightest: the art of expanding one's heart. I vividly recall hearing these words whispered in Hindi/Urdu during my teenage years, on an occasion when my Grandmother offered counsel to my visibly distressed mother. "Apnaa dil baraa karo," she said, translating to "expand your heart."

Since then, the phrase stuck with me, and I noticed it being spoken often over many years, as advice during moments of interpersonal discord. Each time I heard the words, they left a mark on me. So, when I had a difficult situation, particularly an interpersonal conflict where I was finding it hard to navigate, I would say to myself, "Expand your heart."

Let’s take a deep dive into the phrase and beyond the literal meaning. It took me many experiences of ‘expanding my heart’ to understand what the phrase means, and now I see it as a profound philosophy that demands exploration.

• The phrase "expanding your heart" urges us to view situations through the lenses of empathy, compassion, and kindness. It urges us to delve into the depths of understanding, withholding judgment. It also means, at times, letting go or ignoring or embracing forgiveness without an apology.

• Expanding our hearts also means taking a panoramic view, considering perspectives beyond our own biases. Often, it could mean generating as many perspectives as possible for consideration. It also means walking in the shoes of others, seeking clarity amidst the tangled webs of misunderstanding.

• Expanding your heart begins with listening deeply, not just with your ears, but with your eyes and heart, paying close attention to verbal and non-verbal clues. Going beyond what is said to what is not said, delving deep into the layered emotions and deciphering the silent languages of emotions and intentions. Behind the strong words, and sometimes unpleasant words, what’s going on here? Often love shows up as hurt, disappointment as out-of-context actions, statements. And then taking the time to remove the people/personalities from the situation and getting to the root cause of the issue—is it a conflict of perspective, is it a conflict of expectations, or a conflict of values?

When you have done all of that—which at times takes minutes and sometimes weeks, months—the resolution appears. And if we are doing all of this, there is no conflict, or it’s been nipped in the bud.

And yet, this journey isn't always easy. It demands courage—the willingness to relinquish our staunch convictions and ego. It’s not always that I am able to expand my heart quickly, and at times I fail and must admit defeat- this is usually when the weight of my principles clashes with the necessity of understanding.

As an HR professional navigating people conflict, I often find strength in those three simple words: "Expand your heart." They serve as a compass, guiding me from conflict towards resolution.

And when I am confronted with a personal interpersonal conflict, I have to admit it is usually because I have not been able to expand my heart. Had I looked at it with an expanded heart, most likely the situation may not have happened or would have been resolved quickly. And the instruction myself is the same—‘Yasmeen Diwan, you need to expand your heart here.’

So, the next time you find yourself entangled in the thorns of interpersonal strife, remember the magic words. Take a deep breath, muster your courage, and let your heart expand—opening doors to understanding, healing, and harmony.